I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
