i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
