I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
