I think I died a long time ago.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Someone signed my nipple.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
