Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize