walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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