I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
