He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
