his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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