Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
