i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
