ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
