Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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