Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
