so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
