i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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