he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
