It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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