I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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