I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
