did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
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and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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