She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
