so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
