We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
