OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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