Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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