too bad you live with your parents still
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
