Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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