I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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