I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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