Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
