what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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