You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
