at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
