my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
