I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
