So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
