i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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