The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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