dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
