so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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