youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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