Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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