I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
