Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
