There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize