I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found your dick twin last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
