I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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