You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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