well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
