dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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