Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
