Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
