I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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