saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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