You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
