I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
