I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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