i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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