im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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