I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize