I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
