The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
