Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
