Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
