get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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