I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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