I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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