On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
