Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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