wanna go halves on a baby?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
