I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
