Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
