dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
