Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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