I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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