did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
