I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
